Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Comment on this quote Share via Email Print this Page [1-20] of 386 Humor quotesHumor QuotesHumor Next 20 quotes The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.~ Douglas Adams There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.~ Franklin P. Adams To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.~ Franklin P. Adams I Said to my Wife, I have accepted a Seat in the House of Representatives and thereby have consented to my own Ruin to your Ruin and the Ruin of our Children. I give you this Warning that you may prepare your Mind for your Fate.~ John Adams [D]emocracy will soon degenerate into an anarchy, such an anarchy that every man will do what is right in his own eyes and no man's life or property or reputation or liberty will be secure, and every one of these will soon mould itself into a system of subordination of all the moral virtues and intellectual abilities, all the powers of wealth, beauty, wit and science, to the wanton pleasures, the capricious will, and the execrable cruelty of one or a very few.~ John Adams Law logic -- an artificial system of reasoning, exclusively used in courts of justice, but good for nothing anywhere else.~ John Quincy Adams The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.~ Herbert Sebastien Agar Congress is continually appointing fact-finding committees, when what we really need are some fact-facing committees.~ Roger Allen We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.~ Woody Allen The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.~ Woody Allen Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.~ Oscar Ameringer Paradise is just like where you are right now, only much better.~ Laurie Anderson All and everybody, this is my claim, fifty feet on the gulch, cordin to Clear Creek District Law, backed up by shotgun amendments.~ Anonymous Gold Miner Under every stone lurks a politician.~ Aristophanes The spectacle of a judge pouring over the picture of some nude, trying to ascertain the extent to which she arouses prurient interests, and then attempting to write an opinion which explains the difference between that nude and some other nude has elements of low comedy.~ Thurman Arnold Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.~ Sir Francis Bacon Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.~ Tallulah Bankhead Cocaine habit forming? Of course not. I ought to know, I've been using it for years.~ Tallulah Bankhead I'm a foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, "I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.~ Tallulah Bankhead The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and time again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.~ Dave Barry Next 20 quotes Share on Facebook Tweet Email Print