P. J. O'Rourke, (1947-2022) US humorist, journalist, & political commentator Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Comment on this quote Share via Email Print this Page [1-30] of 31 P. J. O'Rourke quotesP. J. O'Rourke QuotesP. J. O'Rourke Next 30 quotes A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.~ P. J. O'Rourke Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.~ P. J. O'Rourke Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else.~ P. J. O'Rourke Politics doesn't work. Look at the parts of America where government has had the most power, where government has spent the most money. Look at the housing projects we've got the poor people in.~ P. J. O'Rourke The three branches of government number considerably more than three and are not, in any sense, 'branches' since that would imply that there is something they are all attached to besides self-aggrandizement and our pocketbooks. ... Government is not a machine with parts; it's an organism. When does an intestine quit being an intestine and start becoming an asshole?~ P. J. O'Rourke Think of what big governments have gotten up to in this century : not one, but two world wars, the gulag, the holocaust, aerial bombing of civilian population centers, the Berlin Wall, nuclear explosions, the post office. A wicked individual might want these, but he wouldn't have the cash and connections to get them. A villainous corporation could afford them but has to market the products. The Vietnam draft would be a tough sell for even the most fiendish businessmen. "Get shot! Get killed! Get diseases from foreign women who despise you in their hearts!~ P. J. O'Rourke When a government controls both the economic power of individuals and the coercive power of the state ... this violates a fundamental rule of happy living: Never let the people with all the money and the people with all the guns be the same people.~ P. J. O'Rourke When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things bought and sold are legislators.~ P. J. O'Rourke When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.~ P. J. O'Rourke There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any over-large concentration of like-minded individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.~ P. J. O'Rourke You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.~ P. J. O'Rourke You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.~ P. J. O'Rourke Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else. ~ P. J. O'Rourke Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.~ P. J. O'Rourke Bill [Clinton] hates them [refugees] and fears them, especially the Cubans. Bill knows the Cubans are crazy. Only crazy people would flee from a country with free medical care, guaranteed employment for life, and first-rate gun control. The president and his sanctimonious twit of a wife have worked for decades to build a society like this, and here people are taking their lives in their hands to get away from it. ... Let's face facts about our disgusting political opponents. We've been nice to the liberals for too long. They're thugs. The liberal dream is to control people, to oppress and exploit them for some "higher" goal. And how are the liberals ever going to be able to control people brave enough to sail to Florida in a rum carton? ... A civilized society should no more tolerate the presence of a liberal than the presence of a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Indeed, it may be argued that liberalism is worse than the KKK, insofar as Klansman only hate some people while liberals hate them all.~ P. J. O'Rourke Whatever it is the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else.~ P. J. O'Rourke The term consumerism has been current since the middle 1960s, about the same length of time as the Department of Transportation itself. Literally interpreted, the word means 'an ideology based on the opposite of being productive.' This ideology has caused enormous changes in the American economy. At one time complaining was a cottage industry. The typical maker of complaints gave them to (or traded them with) friends and family members. Sometimes the complaints were sent to newspapers or included in prayers. Friends, family, the press and God then ignored the complaints. In the sixties, however, various consumer advocates began to help complainers find a market for their wares. There is only one organization that is required to take everyone -- and their complaints -- seriously. So the government became the foremost grumble customer. And it is, of course, the government's bureaucratic agencies who have to do the buying.~ P. J. O'Rourke Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. It's not entitlement. An entitlement is what people on welfare get, and how free are they? It's not an endlessly expanding list of rights -- the "right" to education, the "right" to health care, the "right" to food and housing. That's not freedom, that's dependency. Those aren't rights, those are rations of slavery -- hay and a barn for human cattle. There's only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.~ P. J. O'Rourke A nation with a goofy foreign policy needs a very serious policy of defense.~ P. J. O'Rourke Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about its own capabilities. ... [G]overnment is wasteful of the nation's resources, immune to common sense and subject to pressure from every half-organized bouquet of assholes. ... [G]overnment is distrustful of and disrespectful toward average Americans while being easily gulled by Americans with money, influence or fame.~ P. J. O'Rourke Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history, mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadow about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of sovereignty. Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us.~ P. J. O'Rourke The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.~ P. J. O'Rourke There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.~ P. J. O'Rourke If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.~ P. J. O'Rourke The main reason to be opposed to political control of smoking is to keep power --even the smallest and silliest kind of power -- out of the hands of ... members of a dangerous class --the class that knows what´s good for us better than we do.~ P. J. O'Rourke If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat -- in other words, turn you into an adult.~ P. J. O'Rourke If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.~ P. J. O'Rourke The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 -- to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.~ P. J. O'Rourke If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert, and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.~ P. J. O'Rourke Now majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But, like other precious, sacred things…it’s not only worth dying for, it can make you wish you were dead. Imagine if all life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza.~ P. J. O'Rourke Next 30 quotes Share on Facebook Tweet Email Print